What's the Point?

Driverless cars.

You might as well establish an all Rick Astley radio station. You might as well take away electric guitars, bitchin' drum sets, and Harley Davidson motorcycles.

Driverless cars. Has there even been a more brainless idea? Ever?

Let me get this straight - you want to turn one of the great joys in life over to a soulless robot, so you can do exactly - what?  I mean, don't get me wrong, I have a very overactive imagination but come on - even THAT gets tiresome after a soulless commute in and out of work.

Driverless cars were invented by some poor toad who never got out of the office much, or got honked at once too often. I say that because I have precedent to back me up. 

In 1956, when President Eisenhower signed the Interstate Highway Act, paving the way for our current national system of high speed highways, Robert Moses was named the czar of the project in New York City. Robert Moses never learned how to drive and never actually drove a car on the streets of New York - or anywhere for that matter. He had a driver take him anywhere he wanted to go. THIS IS THE MAN, chosen to design the interstate system within the city of New York. Do you still wonder why it's such a  blasted mess? There are still people living today in the Tremont section of the Bronx who would gladly douse the man in molasses and chicken feathers, if he was still alive. He destroyed neighborhoods and much more, all to create a traffic nightmare that has never been corrected

I do not want to ever own a driverless car.. I don't want to 'share the road' with one. I don't want to see them, or have someone point them out to me. They are a waste of metal, energy and space. But truth be told, I get it. They're humorless machines designed to extract even more fun from life, developed by a generation that wouldn't know a good time if it reached out and bit them on the butt. 

I'm talkin' good times, like sitting on a hot leather seat with shorts on in the middle of the summer and scalding your tush... Good times, like riding 70 miles an hour down the Interstate in somewhere Illinois wearing a short sleeve shirt and finding out the pinching you feel in the small of your back that keeps getting more intense is, in fact, a wasp which flew into your shirt and down your arm. Good times, like feeling the adrenalin rush as you cut turns on a deserted country road. Good times, like making friends at Stuckey's  across America and never forgetting the conversations, even if you can't remember if you left the house a few moments ago wearing pants.

Bitter? No, not me. Frankly, I can see some cool technology coming out of all this. I can see  some great safety features allowing us even more freedom and ability to roam. But I do not see the driverless car EVER becoming a mainstream thing. 

If you don't understand the thrill of driving with the window down, your arm out, one hand on the steering wheel, one on the stick, your favorite tunes setting the soundtrack of your trip and a ribbon of road in front  of you as you sit atop a full tank of gas - then you need a TEAM of therapists to get you straight.

Long live performance cars, bucket seats, cupholders, kickin' sound systems and great, road grabbin' tires. Long live driving, just for the hell of it, just because it's fun.

Comments